The launch of The Death of Bees is nigh and Harper Collins have gone out on a limb for me and supported the book in every conceivable way, as have Windmill books. I should only know joy and excitement, but the truth is I worry I’m going to let everyone down and frankly it’s keeping me awake at night. I am touring Los Angeles and the San Francisco Bay area, doing readings mostly and signings. It’s the readings however that have me quaking in my size 10 boots. I remember when I was President of my Student Union and I had to give a speech to a graduating class of around 400 people and I lost the speech about five minutes before I got on stage. I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to tell them the truth, but my mouth started to move and before I could stop myself I had launched myself into an incoherent babble worthy of a TeleTubby. They looked confused. They were looking at one another and shaking their heads. They were expecting wise words and after 4 years of University they deserved them. I had none. I was on television recently on Connie Martinson Talks Books and again jelly took over my body and I trembled myself into a cold blood fear. Connie reminded me we were just two people having a conversation and she was right. I still think I chattered on like a budgie. I have done several interviews since then and find myself nervously pacing from room to room during them. There will be a couple of live radio interviews in January and you can only guess at how frayed my old nerves are. I should be able to talk with confidence about a book I’ve written and hope to. It’s not like The Kings Speech, I have the words right in front of me, they’re my words and I know them better than anyone else and I don’t have a stutter. What the hell is wrong with me people? I’m hoping for kindness at readings. I’m hoping for an audience that understands writing a book is only half the challenge. I’m not a shy person by any stretch of the imagination and I know I have things to say to anyone who wishes to hear them. I just hope I don’t fall over in a swooning state of anxiety trying to, but if I do, be sure to catch me. I came for you after all.

2 thoughts on “MISSING SPEECH

  1. Hi Lisa,

    I came to see you at the EIBF this summer and if you were nervous, it didn’t show. I think it’s very humble of you to admit to feeling anxious and this is far more appealing than coming across as arrogant and over-confident. Anyone who comes to a reading is there because they’ve chosen to make an effort to see you so I’m sure that they’ll be gentle with you and give you the support you deserve, All the best for 2013.

  2. ohgoodgolly, there’s nothing wrong with you! It’s just newbie nerves and it definitely gets easier with experience…and a sense of humor. ;)

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